Asking for help is tough. Especially in our Latter-day Saint culture. We are accustomed to giving help, but often not asking for it.

But to get through life, you have to ask for help. We will all need it eventually.

So how do you get comfortable asking? In this actionable talk, social psychologist Heidi Grant shares four simple rules for asking for help and getting it — while making the process more rewarding for your helper, too.

Truncated summary:
1. Don’t say awkward things like: “I’m so sorry,” “I feel bad for asking you” etc. Skip small talk too. Go directly to the point and be specific about the help.
2. Don’t offer payment, especially to your friends and relatives. It makes it more like a business deal and also awkward. Giving gifts afterwards is better, but not crucial.
3. Ask in person, or at least face time or phone call. You’re more likely to get a positive response.
4. Provide feedback. Tell them how they helped you and make both of you feel good.