It’s that time of year again: the end of the old year, and the beginning of the new. It’s a time of renewed motivation, effort, and focus. It’s a time to reflect and review the past year and get excited about the possibilities of the upcoming year. For me it’s a time of learning and optimism. Last year I learned a very important lesson. It is that we often incorrectly focus on goals, to achieve our resolutions, instead of systems.
Goals are the end result. As such they’re important to set and be aware of, but they have little to do with the process of achieving them. Systems are the things that occur daily, weekly, and monthly, to get us to those goals.
If you’re a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.
If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.
Now for the really interesting question:
If you completely ignored your goals and focused only on your system, would you still get results?
The answer, for most things, is “YES.” If you watch the bowl games the next few days, pay attention to the interview of the coach of the team that’s loosing at half-time. You’ll hear them say “our team didn’t execute well,” or “our team didn’t cover well,” or “our defense didn’t stick to their assignments.” In other words, our team didn’t do the fundamentals well. Our team was too focused on the abstract concept of “the win” or being champions, or all the fun they’ve been having before the game. They weren’t playing focused, systematic football the way we practiced. Practice and execution are a few of the systems that get teams to the goals of big wins and championships. And you could probably toss the goals aside and focus purely on the systems, and still have the same, or possibly better results.
Going to the gym 3-4 times a week is a goal. And it can be a hard one to accomplish for people who don’t enjoy exercise. Exercising 3-4 times a week can feel like punishment – especially if you overdo it because you’re impatient to get results. When you associate discomfort with exercise you inadvertently train yourself to stop doing it. Eventually you will find yourself “too busy” to keep up your 3-4 days of exercise. The real reason will be because it just hurts and you don’t want to do it anymore. …
Compare [that] with a system of being active every day at a level that feels good, while continuously learning about the best methods of exercise. Before long your body will be trained, like Pavlov’s dogs, to crave the psychological lift you get from being active every day. It will soon become easier to exercise than to skip it – no willpower required. And your natural inclination for challenge and variety will gently nudge you toward higher levels of daily activity while at the same time you are learning in your spare time how to exercise in the most effective way. That’s a system.
James Clear even goes as far as to spell out some specific problems with goals, that are remedied by just focusing on systems:
Goals reduce your current happiness.
Goals are strangely at odds with long-term progress.
Goals suggest that you can control things that you have no control over.
Rather than rehash his points here, I encourage you to read that excellent article. But I will give you the 3 corresponding points that fix those problems, when you focus on systems:
Commit to a process, not a goal – When you focus on the practice instead of the performance, you can enjoy the present moment and improve at the same time.
Release the need for immediate results – Systems-based thinking is never about hitting a particular number, it’s about sticking to the process….
Build feedback loops – Forget about predicting the future and build a system that can signal when you need to make adjustments.
Finally, when you design your systems, make sure they’re behaviorally sound. What does that mean? It means they still work the next day or the next week, when your will-power has run out. You can read our New Year post from last year for more information.
Last year I posted a method Patrick Lynch shared with me, to do Tithing Settlement in 2 days. After posting, I presented the idea to my Bishopric (I was the Executive Secretary). They were all for it, especially the Bishop. A few days later, that Bishopric was released and a new one called, retaining me as Executive Secretary and the Ward Clerk as well. The new Bishop was unsure of this idea at first. He wanted time to get to know people in the ward. Ultimately he decided–with almost no prompting from me–to go ahead with the “2-day method.”
The post received lots of great discussion, including many people telling how their ward had done something similar and how well it had gone. I wanted to follow up with a report on how it went in our ward with a brand-new Bishop and Bishopric. If something doesn’t make sense, please see the original post, for context. Also, I discussed some of this in a recent podcast on LeadingLDS, with 5 former or current bishops.
Scheduling The Ward
We never posted a signup sheet on the Bishop’s door (I know, “heresy!” right?). Instead I setup a Google Calendar that was synced with the excellent YouCanBook.me webapp. It took a little testing to get the settings all correct, but once I was done, I could add blocks of time to the Google calendar, and it would show those blocks as available time for Tithing Settlement at the special YCBM URL (something like myward.youcanbook.me). I initially set it so only the first 3 or 4 hours of the first day were available. It lets people click a block of time they’d like to schedule then enter their name and email to schedule it. It’s very simple, and about as frictionless as possible.
I then went to the online version of MLS and exported the entire ward’s contact information as a CSV file. I edited that as a Google Spreadsheet (Excel works too) and removed all the columns except names and email addresses. I imported that into my Gmail account, making sure to import them to a new group, so I could remove them later. I also imported a email list the previous bishop sent me, and then did a “find and merge duplicates.”
Next I composed and email to that new group (the ward) and sent them all an email with the custom YouCanBook.me link and an explanation that this year they could signup online. Pretty quickly, the first half of our first day was filled, and I adjusted the calendar to open up the rest of that day. Once that was mostly full, I added the 1st part of Sunday, and so on. This helped to make sure there were very few gaps in the schedule.
I also made up some quick signup sheets before church, making sure to block out any times previously scheduled on YCBM. I also removed any available time on YCBM for the duration of Church meetings, so there would be no double-booking. I then went around to the various classes and auxiliaries and passed around the signup sheets, taking a minute to explain (if I could without disrupting class) that this was their chance to signup if they hadn’t received the email or didn’t feel comfortable signing up online. I then put those into YCBM myself, so they’d show up on the calendar. I also hung-out outside the Bishop’s office after church, and just put people’s info right in to YouCanBook.me as they requested to schedule Tithing Settlement.
As the first day approached, I sent out reminders to everyone to signup if they hadn’t already, and copy/pasted the schedule (from Google Calendar) into the email, to remind all who had signed up, of when their times was. I politely asked people to try and be on time and reassured them that waits would not be long. I think the novelty of signing up online, made them believe things were going to be different this year.
On the 1st Sat. morning, I grabbed a table from a classroom and put it outside the Bishop’s office and put my laptop on it, with an incognito window of Chrome open to LDS.org to get get people signed up. I didn’t get a phone/tablet attachment for a tripod, so I didn’t bother even trying to set one up.
I printed out the day’s schedule from Google Calendar, and brought 5 copies with me for the Bishop, his 2 counselors, the Clerk, etc. I’d shared it with each of them previously, so they could view it on their phones/tablets, as well. It gave the Bishop some warning of who to expect next, and help him greet them by name, even in cases where he might have been unsure.
The 10 Minute Schedule
This part went swimmingly. People were largely on-time, and I rarely had to knock on the Bishop’s door to remind them their time was almost up. Most came out at 8 or 9 minutes. Since we forced people to fill each block of 3-4 hrs before opening more, there were rarely any waits, except during the last 10 mins of each hour, when we often found ourselves still on schedule and free to stretch or get to know each other a little better.
Station 1: Information Confirmation or Correction
The Clerk & Counselors would look at the schedule and print people’s records before they arrived. When they did walk in, would just hand a copy to them when they arrived, and another copy to the Bishop when he came out of the previous appointment.
Station 2: LDS.org Account Setup
Most people in our ward seemed to have done this. There were lots of people who’d done FamilySearch.org, indexing, etc. So we quit asking after the 1st day.
Station 3: Photos
This became station #1. I found that if I caught them before they sat down, they were a lot less resistant. So I just found a section of wall with no outlets or pictures, and would intercept people at that point, with my tablet in hand, as they came down toward the Bishop’s office. I used the LDS Tools Android app and just took/uploaded their picture right to the app. So it was on MLS within minutes. For those that protested, I found that the following dialogue worked really great:
Me: “Do you have an LDS.org account?”
Me: “We’ll take your picture now, and if you don’t like it, just go home and login to your LDS.org account and upload one that you do like.”
I only had 1 person who absolutely refused. Everyone else let me take the picture, and by the end of Tithing Settlement, we had pictures of 90% of the active members of the ward which was very helpful to a lot of people in the ward, especially those who were newer, but had callings that require them to communicate with lots of people in the ward.
Station 4: Meeting With The Bishop
As mentioned, this went very well. The Bishop remarked that “I’m just not that chatty,” implying that 10 minutes was usually plenty. In a few cases where I had to actually knock on the door, the knock usually made the people there hurry to wrap up. In those cases sometimes the Bishop would tell them to talk with me and schedule another meeting with him. In other cases, he’d just whisper to me after they left, that I needed to call and schedule them to meet with him again.
As said, we made a few adjustments. The main things were eliminating the LDS.org account setup, since it wasn’t really needed in that particular ward, and doing photos 1st. I think doing photos 1st is really important and will work better for most wards. Our stations were:
Meeting with the Bishop
Ultimately, we had to do a few followup “sessions” of a couple hours, to get everyone completed. But the majority were done in 3 days, in-spite of an unusual snow storm that made everything crazy and even got church canceled, since the UDOT isn’t equipped with snowplows in St George.
I think this system is awesome. And so did the Bishopric. Though new in that particular Bishopric, the entire bishopric had all been involved in Tithing Settlement in previous Bishopric callings. They all paid me many compliments saying they’d “never seen tithing settlement run so smoothly,” and that it was the “most enjoyable and least stressful” they’d ever experienced. It wasn’t me, it’s just a brilliant system and I’m super glad Patrick Lynch shared it with me. It was a blessing, and allowed me to spend a lot more time with my family last Christmas.
I’d love to hear other adjustments, ideas, or feedback on how this works.
I like the idea of a phone contract, if it is done well with the right amount of seriousness and lightheartedness. Interestingly, in therapy, we are discovering that “contracts” are not usually an effective method. In fact it often enables problems.
For example, creating a contract has a tendency to remove one from living the principles and concepts to living by the letter of the law. Making the parent have to spell everything out, as the child then becomes brilliantly (or desperately) clever in finding loopholes. “Well, that’s not what was said in the contract…” It can inadvertently make the contract into the parent, and both the child and parents subject to the document instead of to the spirit or intuition.
One wonderful family took a similar approach and created a contract intended to help teach, remind and encourage gospel values, all with wit and humor. The son was excited and of course agreed to all the terms and signed the contract. It went well for the first few months. But as clever as the parents were at writing the document, it was of course impossible to consider all details and potential issues.
Like the contract in the previous post, it defined specifics about a curfew and never having the phone in his room. But it failed to mention that he couldn’t get up early before school and use it in the living room while everyone else was in bed. The parents were impressed that their son who never gets up on time, let alone early was now fully ready for school most mornings. When inquiring what the new motivation was, they discovered what he was doing.
It was clear to the parents that what he was doing was not what they desired. But nowhere in the contract was it considered. Tension grew as the son continued to get up early and play his games, and because no one was up, every room became a private place. The parents told him that he was not to do that, he argued back that’s not what they agreed on. Do the parents revoke the contract and create a new one in greater detail, or insert a provision that the contract can be edited or modified at any point per parents’ discretion? Both of those options defeat the purpose of the contract and discourages the very teachings they were intending.
While serving in the Phoenix Arizona Mission in 1995, Elder Lynn A. Mickelsen of the Quorum of the Seventies came and spoke to the leaders in the mission. He shared with us an interesting pattern of experiences he had while working with the Mission Presidents in his area. He was praising our mission president, Val Christensen, for the way he ran the mission, and that it was done on principles and concepts, not rules.
Elder Mickelsen said there are Mission presidents who pride themselves on the binders of rules they institute in their missions. Upon Elder Mickelsen’s arrival, one such president laid a three ring binder of rules on his lap as he drove him from the airport. Elder Mickelsen said, he removed it and discarded it. He warned that such things destroy missionaries.
We can not foresee every issue, and the moment we attempt that in a contract it becomes a burden. Natural parenting is interrupted and you become bound to yesterday’s knowledge.
Such contracts are sometimes used to inappropriately control the behaviors of others. Another family intentionally established a contract they knew would be difficult for their daughter to follow. Whether they were cognizant of it or not, they were setting her up to fail. Instead of using the contract to govern and guide, it was used to get her to stop behaviors that annoyed the parents. Although the parents believed it was geared to teaching her good habits, the message was one of shame and not a reminder of her being a child of God.
When creating a contract, it lends itself to a subtle communication that the behaviors are more important than the individual. It defines what one can’t do, but not what one should become or how they can use their behaviors for good. And good behaviors should never be contracted.
I have seen, even in the best of contracts, that it ends up binding the parents more and setting up an unhealthy power dynamic in the family—where kids will demand they have followed every rule in the contract and argue against a parent’s desire to remove them from their usage.
Using a contract can be good, but I would suggest it as more of an “articles of (faith) use” policy. As Joseph Smith taught, teach them principles and let them govern themselves. It is tempting to list rules and not principles, but I have seen this promote only rule following and not spirit guiding. As a result, children develop the expectation “to be commanded in all things”.
Phone or no phone, my children know their electronics usage is NOT private. Their passwords are not private and at any time and length of time we get to remove them from their usage. No questions asked.
Obviously, this has been on my mind, for the last few weeks as I have worked with various families on similar issues.
Daniel A. Burgess is a Marriage & Family Therapist, Crossfit Level 1 Instructor, Financial Analyst, father of five amazing children and married to his best friend. He has over 15 years of experience working with individuals and families in therapy, PTA president, business, and volunteering. Daniel loves to listen, teach, public speak, host workshops and help others thrive in life. His passion, joy and excitement for knowledge and learning on a variety of topics is evident in his writings. Daniel is a content contributor for sites like LDS.net, Body-buddies.com, LDSLiving.com, & scriptureguidedlife.blogspot.com.
Editor’s note: you can always plug a laptop, tablet, or cell phone into a library TV directly, to display videos, images, and presentations at an LDS Church building. You can even use a Chromecast. But if you do that, there’s a chance someone else connected to LDSAccess, will notice the “cast” button in one of their apps, and decide to be funny, by tapping said “cast” button, and changing what’s on the TV. It could ruin a lesson or drive out the Spirit. Fortunately Kevin Wheat posted on Google+, an alternative method:
I initially used a LTE hotspot to Chromecast while at church. Now I am using a HooToo travel router to bridge the church’s WiFi network. Instructions on how to do that is easy to follow and it comes in the packaging for the router (I use my Nexus 7’s Chrome browser to connect it). It does a good job with strong enough connectivity to cast to. I can run some speed tests next week if you want some.
I use a battery pack to power the Chromecast and travel router at the same time just for portability reasons, but you could power both of them on the power strip built into most TV stands at church. You could get a travel router with an included battery pack as well. I use my Nexus 7 as my primary casting device because it is easy to transfer accounts on a tablet (coming to phones in Android Lollipop) and it has quick toggles for screen casting. I can’t wait until casting without WiFi password is available so that any of the students within our classroom can cast to it as well.
The reason why I like the Chromecast route, instead of USB drive (which we were encouraged to use because our TVs are not “Smart TVs”), is because the Spirit can direct where the class goes easier without me having to worry about those “Did I put that media on this thumb drive??” moments. Instead I know I have the entire church catalog at my disposal via the Gospel Library app. We also encourage our students to use the Gospel Library app on their smart devices during the lessons so that their highlights and notes will be with them whenever they need them (school, missions, etc.).
Lock screen orientation in landscape mode (shows best on TV when screencasting)
Delete LDSAccess WiFi network because you don’t want your device jumping back onto that network and loosing connectivity to the HooToo network & Chromecast.
Extend display timeout for as long as you can.
Share an album of artwork privately on G+ so that you can use the Your Photos section in Backdrop as a beautiful and uplifting “screen saver”.
Editor’s Note:this is a very-lightly edited repost of an article originally posted in 2012.
National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), where people around the world try to write a novel in one month, is going to start in a few days. Here’s some ideas that Screenwriters (both film and TV) use. They have to write within very tight constraints, and therefore have refined storycraft in awesome ways. So here are a few tips and tricks I’ve picked up from my studies of (and attempts at) screenwriting that also work incredibly well for novel writing.
Decide how long your novel is going to be (word count) and when you’ll have the first draft completed. Most NaNoWriMo participants set this at 50k words, which is a short novel, but a lot for one month. Decide what’s the longest each chapter can be within that. Decide what genre it will fit into (or which it will cross-over between). Learn the rules of that genre, and do your research to make sure you really know the rules! Finally, learn the rules of good writing (read the rest of this), and stick to them. You are not the exception. Good writing, is good writing, is good writing. If you want people to read it, you have to know the rules inside and out, and practice them over and over and over. Then, once you’ve published a dozen books that obey the rules, you can pull a James Joyce and try breaking them in very purposeful ways. Creativity thrives within limitations and rules, not without them.
Outline Your Story
Outline your plot before you begin! If you don’t know where you’re going, how are you going to get there? It also provides a guide to you as you write to make sure your pacing is correct and that you don’t include needless ideas and events. Your story should be one continuous crescendo to the climax, followed by a relief (the the resolution or denouement). Then break your book into scenes. Just like a movie. Construct each scene to have it’s own climax and relief, making sure the relief is less and smaller than the climax, so that the overall tension continues to increase till the final climax.
Make sure your outline includes all of this, though you can begin writing with blank spaces in your outline that you’ll fill as you write and get a clearer idea of what should go where. Just be sure of what needs to happen to follow this structure. For another way of looking at it see “How to Structure a Novel’s Plot” by my brother and editor of this post, Travis Washburn.
Become Intimately Familiar With Your Characters
Characters will always seem flat and unpredictable if you, yourself don’t know who they are as you write them. A great way to create characters is to outline them somewhere. Give each major character (and some minor) a background: family, childhood, teen years, etc. Then give them a personality: who do they remind you of in real life? Based on their background what kind of accent do they have? What quirks do they have? Are they stubborn, loud, feisty, or quiet, reserved, and passive? What are their biases?
Most importantly, what are their flaws, weaknesses, and fallacies of thinking, contradictions of living, and paradox’s of action? These make your characters feel real. We’re all imperfect, weak, and walking paradoxes in our beliefs, ways of living, etc. Making your characters the same will make them feel real. Write all this down somewhere. Make a note for each character in Evernote, or use notecards, and give each character their own. Refer back to these frequently as you write about them.
Make Your Protagonist CHANGE
As a part of this, your main character or protagonist, needs to change in some fundamental ways. If the overall story is a happy one, that probably means they’ll overcome some of those weaknesses you outlined, or change their views and actions in some fundamental way. Batman Begins is a great example. Toward the beginning Bruce is ready to take a gun and murder for revenge. By the end of the film, he won’t even purposefully kill the villan responsible for attempting to engineer the collapse of western civilization.
Another good (but not necessary) technique is to make your antagonist very similar to your protagonist, at least at the beginning. Then by contrast (aka a foil), she/he emphasizes the protagonist’s change, by representing what they used to be. Batman Begins is once again a great example.
Keep Your Reader In Mind
The very best screenwriters and film directors always have their audience in mind. Often they pick somebody they know and write/direct the movie just for that person. When your audience is that real to you, you have clarity on how to convey your message and make them laugh, cry, rage, or stress along the way.
Often people use terms like “rising action” and “falling action” to describe the structure of a scene. I feel like this is misleading. Conflict is what creates the rising and falling rhythms of a great story. Adding shooting, jumping from helicopters, etc isn’t the kind of “action” or conflict they’re talking about. But conflict is the key. Yes, two people trying to kill each other is conflict in the “war” sense, but to make it conflict the reader cares about, you need to make sure you’re clear about the reason behind it: why are they trying to kill each other? Is it really worth trying to kill over, or just something your reader will laugh at?
Great screenwriters live by the rule “never put two characters in the same scene that agree with each other.” That’s the definition of conflict. Always put people at odds with each other, at least in some small way. That creates the tension that makes it interesting. Watch some great films, you’ll suddenly notice this is the case.
Avoid Abstractions Like They’re a Zombie Plague
Abstractions are any abstract concept from “food” to “feelings.” What kind of food? What does it taste like? Give me details! What ‘feelings’ are you talking about? The reader needs specific details to understand what’s going on. Otherwise they may imagine something totally different from your concept of food, feelings, or any other abstract concept you use. Plus details draw your audience in. You force them to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste what is going on (more on that in a sec). Often this is referred to as “concrete detail.”
Concrete detail (and sense detail, below) are summed up in the old phrase that most amateurs ignore: “Show, don’t tell.” Don’t tell your reader the character is in pain, and don’t have the character say something completely obvious, telling the reader they’re in pain. Instead have the character show it by wincing, sitting down, trying to stop the bleeding with their hand! Here’s a couple of excellent articles on concrete detail at Copyblogger that go into more detail. You must understand this if you want to write a good (or great) novel.
Include Frequent Sense Detail
The four senses are how we experience the world. When you write concrete details, you should describe the coarse and porous feel of concrete on the pad of your fingers. Tell your audience what concrete dust smells like, how it burns your nose hairs as you inhale and seems to coat your nostrils as you exhale. Talk about how the dust settles on your tongue and reminds you of when you ate chalk dust as a kid, but with more grit and crunch to it. Let them hear how the jackhammer sounds a lot like a helicopter hovering 10 feet over your head, when you’re the one operating it, but feels like it’s smashing your bones together at the joints, squeezing the cartilage out of them. The language you use should make your reader hear, feel, smell, and even taste what’s going on. One renowned novelist (who’s name I can’t remember) said she always included all 5 senses within the first page of each of her novels to pull the reader in, make them feel as if they were there with the characters in that scene.
Force Yourself to Rewrite, Rewrite, Rewrite
James Michener once said, “I’m not a very good writer, but I’m an excellent rewriter.” Unlike the process often portrayed in both film and books, writing is never some stroke of inspiration where you sit down and crank out a novel as fast as your fingers can keep up with your thoughts. It just doesn’t work that way! There may be instances of that, but it’s usually one small part of a scene or a piece of your outline. When it happens, go with it. But overall, your story gets better the more familiar you become with it. Therefore, rewriting is where good and great novels are created.
Some authors even go as far as completely throwing away their first draft and re-writing the entire book from scratch. Only it’s not entirely scratch, the first draft made them intimately familiar with the story, its characters, and structure. Robert Louis Stevenson did this with The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. From my own experience, anything from emails to essays and even short stories are often better when I follow this practice.
Cut the Fat
When you revise and rewrite, “cut the fat.” This means you cut anything and every thing that doesn’t contribute to the overall point of your story. This should be done at a high level (outline) as well as molecular level (make your sentences shorter, more concise). Less is more.
Our phone contract for our sweet Rebekah as she get’s her first phone. (The same as the one we used for Joseph last year). For those that may want something similar with your kids. I got it and modified it from someone else online and want to pass it on in case you need it.
[Child’s Name Here]’s Phone Contract
The following contract has been written up to help [child name] as she goes to Middle School… and officially becomes a member of the phone carrying race of human beings. It is not our goal to restrict you, but teach you to use your phone to communicate and be a tool the Lord can use to get his work done here on the earth. That is why you have a phone. Use it wisely. Here are some guidelines we feel can assist you to learn the lessons you need and protect you from the things that can diminish and ultimately take away your divine potential and the Spirit of the Lord that guides you.
It’s Mom and Dad’s phone. We bought it. We pay for it. We are loaning it to you. Aren’t we the greatest?
We will always know the password (if there is one).
If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
It does not come on at school except for emergencies, or if a teacher has asked you to use it for class. Otherwise, have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill.
If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay away from those that are being hurtful..
Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the phone to change that.
Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation. More important than all that you make it impossible for the Lord to lead and guide you when you do things like this.
Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO—fear of missing out.
Learn how to use it. Learn about what it can do and use it to it’s fullest to organize your life and keep you moving in the direction the Lord would have you go.
Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without Googling.
You will mess up. We will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & us, we are always learning. We are on your team. We are in this together.
We trust you.
We love you. More than you can ever know. And we want you to be happy, and especially to know how to use technology to help you in your life. It can be an amazing tool if you learn to use it properly.
We’ll do our best to be good examples of proper smartphone use.
______________________________________ Date: __________________________________
[Child Name Here]
Editors notes: Some may think it’s silly, but there’s symbolic power in printing and having your child/teen read, understand, agree to, sign, and witness you signing a contract like this.
On a separate note, Republic Wireless has the Moto E for only $99, or the Moto G for $159, add a $10/month plan that includes unlimited talk and text to either of those, and you’ve got an ideal combination for any teen or pre-teen. Plus it’s easy on your bank account.
Are you like me? You kneel down at night to say your nightly prayer and start out with sincere thanksgiving for your many blessings, and then your wandering mind gets thrown off track. You suddenly realize you have been thinking about ways to improve that meatloaf you made for dinner the same night? Or you wake up a few hours later ashamed that your sleepiness got the best of you while you were trying to prayer to your Eternal Father.
Eat, Move, Sleep
A few weeks ago I read the book Eat, Move, Sleep by Tom Rath. It’s been a best seller and is really worth the read. In the book there are various life changing tweaks one can make in their life to be more healthy and live longer. He talks about the power of white noise. Don’t know what white noise is? See HERE. Mr. Rath claims that by listening to white noise at night in bed it can increase how quickly you fall asleep and can help many with insomnia. It basically goes back to reason why babies fall asleep in the car so easily. The noise from the road and engine seems to sooth quickly. After reading this book I found myself in a busy restaurant trying to get some work done on my laptop. The constant restaurant noise was incredibly distracting so I thought I would try white noise to increase my focus. I turned it on and was immediately transformed into what felt like an abandoned library. Though I had white noise in my ears, it blocked out the distracting sounds with a constant hum that allowed me to focus.
White Noise With Personal Prayer
This made me wonder what effect it would have on my personal prayer. What I found was remarkable! It has slowed down my wandering mind and helped me focus on the reasons why I am praying. It also blocks out the noise of my house. If you have kids, like I do, you have probably experienced praying in one room while listening to your child in the next room have a debate with your spouse about why a popsicle before bed is a good idea. It’s distracting and can feed a wandering mind. Be aware! You aren’t going to like it at first. When you first listen to white noise you think, I CAN’T EVEN HEAR MYSELF THINK, LET ALONE PRAY! Give it time, and your mind will soon adjust your focus and you won’t even realize the noise is there.
White Noise Praying 7-Day Challenge
Try praying for at least 10 minute (morning and night, of course) with white noise for 7 days. Like I said, you won’t like this at first, but give it at least 7 days. Download THIS MP3 FILE (10 minutes of white noise) to your phone or mp3 player. Be sure to notify others in your home you are doing this. If the house catches on fire, their yelling and screaming won’t alert you. Kneel down, put your headphones on, and start the white noise. Once the track is done you will know that 10 minutes is up and you can close your prayer.
Please share your experience in the comments once you take the 7-day challenge.
Bonus:Try using THIS LINK when you study the scriptures. White noise will enhance scripture study as well.
I was recently listening to the excellent LeadingLDS podcast. Kurt (contributes here), interviewed the mysterious person known only as @ldseqpres on Twitter.
@ldseqpres is known for his usually humorous, sometimes snarky, tweets. But he’s a real-life Elder’s Quorum President, with all the problems and issues that come with that calling. And he had some great insights on how to handle some of those problems.
One that really stood out to me was a priority-based approach to home teaching. And he got the idea for it, straight from the handbook! Handbook 2: 7.4.2 states:
Quorum and group leaders assign the most effective home teachers to members who need them most. When assigning home teachers, leaders give highest priority to new members, less-active members who may be the most receptive, and others who have the greatest need for home teachers, such as single parents, widows, and widowers.
In some locations, visiting every home each month may not be possible for a time because of insufficient numbers of active priesthood holders or other challenges. In these circumstances, leaders give priority to visiting new members, less-active members who are most likely to respond to invitations to return to Church activity, and members with serious needs.
@ldseqpres’ solution was to create a spreadsheet with everyone that their Elder’s Quorum was responsible to teach. Next they added columns for each of the items that the Handbook says are priorities:
less-active members (likely to respond)
members with serious needs
They would then go through the list, and place an “X” in any the columns that apply to each person/family. Then they setup a 6th column that would add the number of X’s in the previous columns, and produce a numerical total. For example, a less-active widow with children at home would get a 3, or a 4, if there were serious needs.
Once that was done, they could sort the list by the 6th column. That put the people with the greatest need need (according to the handbook) at the top. They could then look at how many active companionships they could form, and assign them to those with the most need.
There’s some brilliance in this approach. Obviously you should still ask for, and follow, the Spirit in creating home teaching assignments. But this gives an excellent baseline or standard to start from. It also allows a ward or quorum to make sure that those who need it most, actually get home taught. It also means you can potentially cut down on the number of families assigned to each companionship, so you don’t overwhelm them, with too much to do.
On a recent Saturday morning, my wife and I dropped the kids off at my parents house. Dressed in our Sunday clothes and with our temple bags in the car, we were going to the Temple. As I was walking out of my parent’s house, I had the thought “when does my Temple Recommend expire?” I think you know what happened next: I pulled it out, and it had expired the end of May, exactly one week prior.
I ended up working on my laptop, in the Stake Center nextdoor to the Temple, while my wife participated in intiatory work.
Here’s the problem: neither email nor calendars were designed to help you both remember and accomplish things. Calendars keep your schedule, and can be used to remind you to do certain things at certain times, but they’re not good at helping you get them done, or scheduling based on when you completed something.
For example, if I set my calendar to remind me on May 15th to renew my recommend, but didn’t get in to see a member of the Stake Presidency until June 2nd, then my reminder event would need to be moved to June for the next year. Great solutions get out of your way, and don’t require that kind of management.
It’s no secret we’re big fans of Asana around here, we’ve posted about how to use it for Bishoprics and Ward Councils, as well as talked about the same usage in a Live Hangout. Asana is an ideal solution for managing your personal tasks, and reminding you to do things. It works great to remind yourself to renew your recommend. Just set a task to renew your temple recomend, that reccurs every 730 days (2 years) after completion of the task.
A task that is scheduled based on the last time it was completed, will be more accurate. When you get your recommend from a member of the Stake Presidency, complete the task. Now, Asana will remind you to do it again in 730 days. That will be June, in 2 years. And with the mobile app on your phone, you’ll get a reminder at that time.
Every morning on the way to work, I use the LDS Gospel Library app to listen to a couple chapters of the Book of Mormon. This morning it wouldn’t work for the 1st part of the drive. Since I’m streaming them, it’s dependent on the the 3G coverage in the area to get that data to my phone. The thought occured to me: “what if Sprint is blocking traffic to LDS.org?” It was one of those random, crazy thoughts that had no seriousness behind it… at least at 1st. Because the streaming audio had not yet begun, the thought lingered and birthed others: “what if they could throttle or block traffic from LDS.org?” And then the realization: “oh, yeah, they can throttle or block traffic from anywhere they please.”
What is Net Neutrality?
That’s what “net neutrality” is all about. Can the internet provider (this instance Sprint, since my phone’s on Republic Wireless) throttle or even block certain websites, types of traffic, etc? In the past the answer was “No! The internet is neutral. All traffic, regardless of source, content, etc, must be treated the same, unless it is illegal.” But that changed not too long ago, when the US Supreme Court told the FCC that they could no longer use the rules that had enforced this policy of “net neutrality” in the past. As Mormon’s, we have a long history of persecution. We’ve seen a resurgence of it in the wake of Mitt Romney running for President, and the gay-marriage issue. The lessons of our own history shows that it’s not a good idea to give any group of people power over another. Internet providers being able to selectively throttle, or even block traffic, is one such power.
Hypothetically, What Could Happen?
Imagine this: you wake up one morning and you can’t access LDS.org. Or even worse, you can’t access MormonLifeHacker.com! This Week in Mormons? Nope. Mormon.org? Crickets. LeadingLDS? No way. FamilySearch.org? Nada. Mormon Mommy Blogs? Nothin’ doin’. Your internet isn’t down. You can visit Facebook, and Google, watch videos on YouTube and Netflix, but for some reason no LDS sites seem to work for you. You can’t get your phone to synch the updated ward list in the LDS Tools app, or download the conference report in Gospel Library. Finally you give up and pull up Twitter. You notice a tweet that says something about “Mormon Church” and “Your ISP”. You tap through and find out that Your ISP has decided to block all traffic to LDS and Mormon themed sites. That’s not fair! you think. Then read on, to find out that anti-Mormon sites are not blocked, only official sites, and ones friendly to the church. Why? Well, I’ll let you pick from any number of recent reasons the Church has been unpopular in the “popular” news of late. Whichever you pick, the CEO of “Your ISP” is outspokenly against the Church’s position on the issue, and had decided to use his company’s strangle-hold on the internet in your area, to put pressure on the Church and help all of us “blind followers” to realize the error of our ways.
Could This Happen?
Do I think this will happen? No, I don’t. But could it? Yes, absolutely. And it would be legal, too. The mere fact that it could happen is enough that we should fight against it. What if, in another 2 decades, Mormons and Mormonism have been moved into that category reserved for biggots and racists? In today’s society, it’s not okay to hate anyone, except biggots, racists, and Wetboro Baptists (and maybe Jews, depending on where you are). What if slowly the world moves so far away from the things we know are right, that we get stuck in that category? A place where it’s okay to hate Mormons, and nobody cares to defend our rights. A world where the majority cheers on Your ISP’s actions. We’ve been in that category before. Joseph Smith met with Martin Van Buren, President of the United States, asking him to help the the Saints. They’d been persecuted to the extreme, including members of the Church being murdered, merely for being Mormon. The President told Joseph:
“Your cause is just, but I cannot help you. If I help you I will lose the vote of the state of Missouri.”
What if we were in that category again? Where nobody else cared about how we were treated? Would you want ISP’s to have that power to limit what you can access?
The Free Market vs Regulation
I’m a big supporter of freedom and the free market, including businesses deciding what kind of service they want to provide, and even the right to refuse service to anyone. But there has to be legal limits to protect the minorities and the unpopular. Look at the pre-1960’s, when black people were refused service by businesses, or forced to use “separate but equal” facilities. In this case, ISP’s could be abusive in their use of it, and there is usually only 1 or 2 good alternative providers in a given market. So there’s no real free market in this space anyway. If there were more competition, then it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d all just switch to the provider who will treat all traffic equally, and pretty soon the $$$$ would convince all ISP’s to treat all traffic the same. Unfortunately that’s not the case. So we need laws or policies that force ISP’s to treat all traffic equally. We need Net Neutrality.
What to Do About It
Right now the FCC has a period where they’re taking feedback, via their website. You can add your voice there, by clicking the “14-28″ link pictured here: You can call or email your congressperson. When elections come around, let candidates know you’ll only vote for those that support Net Neutrality. You can also share this article, or other information about the dangers of not having Net Neutrality, on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or other channels. Net neutrality, is incredibly popular right now. But, there’s a lot of big money pushing the opposite direction. We need to continue to spread the work, if we’re going to get this protection reinstated, and further protected. Please do a little something, today.