Things I wish I knew in 2010 about technology, mobile devices, and kids

I am on my 8th kid now, and have run the gamut from flip phones to smartphones. I wish I had a time machine and could go back to the 2010 John Dye and share this with him.

Some things I have seen as megatrends from 2010 until now include:

Cyberbullying: Social media has made it easier for communication and relationships to be built IRL and online, therefore the good (and the bad) continue beyond the geographic boundaries of the schoolyard. Compliments and criticism (including hurtful comments, exclusion, and harassment) can take place at any time. I have seen the good and the bad happen IRL and online, affecting my children’s self-esteem and mental health. Fortunately and unfortunately, I have also seen my children be the sender and receiver of compliments and criticism IRL and online.

The Pressure to Always Be Connected:
I believe young people often feel compelled to stay online to maintain friendships, stay updated, or avoid missing out (FOMO is a real thing). This can lead to overuse of technology, sleep deprivation, and decreased focus on other important activities like homework, IRL interaction, and valuable family time.

Unrealistic Beauty Standards and Triggering Content:
Highly-edited images that are unrealistic and idealized lifestyles are often depicted in social media and distort teens’ perceptions of themselves and their day-to-day lives. They are left feeling wanting, and their “average” is often compared to someone else’s “high” points in life.  This often triggers anxiety, depression, FOMO, and body image issues.

Similarly, vanity metrics like “likes” and “subscribers” can create a superficial sense of worth, leading to feelings of inadequacy if they compare their numbers with others and don’t feel they measure up.

Exposure to Inappropriate or Harmful Content:
I believe this is one of the dangerous issues for teens. So much content is available on the internet; much is good and much is also harmful. Young people WILL encounter disturbing and harmful content–it’s not a matter of IF but WHEN. Violence, inappropriate sexual content, substance abuse, etc. can all lead to skewed views of themselves and others, leading to inappropriate and harmful behavior.

As a parent of youth, I would suggest the following to other parents of youth

Open Dialogue is a must:
As a parent, listen 4x more than you talk.
Ask open-ended questions.
You must have ongoing, non-judgmental conversations with teens about what they see and experience online. Be a safe space for your kids. Make them comfortable and safe when they share things with you so they open up and are honest when discussing how they feel and how you might help.

Model Healthy Social Media Use:
Adults are often as guilty as teens in some of their online media consumption habits.
Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy habits on social media. Limit your own use, especially during family time, and show how social media and online interaction/relationships can be used constructively.

Also, just as you critically analyze what you see on social media, teach these same skills to your teens. There are bad actors and bad/inaccurate content online–help your teen know how to fact check and verify what they find online.

Set Boundaries and Limits:
Reasonable time limits for online games and social media use is a must.
If free time online interferes with schoolwork, sleep, or family time, it is harmful. Full stop.

Also, help youth understand the importance of balancing their online lives with real-world relationships and activities. I believe we have too much of the former and too little of the latter.

Encourage Spiritual Grounding:
In short, many of the negative effects of online interaction and social media usage is tied to self image. Help your teen stay grounded by fostering a sense of personal value and worth through connection with a higher power. A strong spiritual foundation can help teens develop resilience, self-worth, and a sense of purpose that isn’t reliant on external validation or comparisons.

By engaging them in practices like meditation, prayer, and affirmations, they can strengthen their inner peace and ability to navigate challenges that are so pervasive online.