It should come as no surprise that our modern culture prizes independence and self-actualization. But new research is turning conventional wisdom on its head, showing that married mothers aren’t just surviving—they’re thriving.
According to social researcher Jenet Erickson, married mothers are twice as likely to report being “very happy” compared to their single and childless peers.
This finding—published recently by the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University and highlighted by The Atlantic and The New York Times—cuts against the dominant cultural narrative that autonomy is the highest form of freedom and fulfillment.
Erickson, a fellow at the Wheatley Institute and a scholar of family studies, argues that we’ve lost sight of a core truth: humans are relational beings, and deep, consistent connection—not isolation or pleasure-seeking autonomy or “freedom from relationships”—nourishes the soul.
“Not only are married mothers more likely to be happy—they are twice as likely to be very happy,” Erickson emphasized. “We are deeply relational beings. We thrive in deep connection.”
Womanhood: Rewriting the Story
For years, research suggested marriage benefited men more than women. Meanwhile, the dominant message seen in media increasingly paints motherhood as a kind of existential sacrifice—an identity erasure.
Erickson says that narrative is misleading and incomplete.
“Children are really seen as a liability to your life,” she explained. “But what our research shows is the opposite. Being a married mother is linked not only to higher happiness, but also to less loneliness and greater meaning and purpose.”
The General Social Survey data, re-analyzed by Erickson and her colleagues, confirms what many women are quietly discovering in their own lives: that marriage and motherhood, while demanding, offer unparalleled emotional and spiritual returns.
Touch & Tethering: The Crisis of Connection
One of the most unexpected findings from the study involved physical touch. Erickson points to what she calls a national crisis of “touch hunger,” especially among unmarried men.
“The data is really clear: touch affects our cortisol levels and oxytocin production. It literally changes our hormone levels,” she noted.
Those with frequent physical affection—like hugging, cuddling, and holding hands—were significantly more likely to report high levels of happiness. The primary source of that consistent, safe touch? Marriage.
This finding is worth thinking about deeply—emotional wellness is not just about what we believe or think, but also about what we physically feel from other people.
The Hidden Struggles and Strengths of Single Mothers
Perhaps the most poignant insight I pulled from my discussion with Jenet was concerning an oft-overlooked group: single mothers. Though they report higher loneliness and more limited access to physical affection, they report a greater sense of meaning and purpose in their lives than women without children.
“They unquestionably knew: ‘I matter, my life matters,’” Erickson said. “Even amid tremendous burdens, single mothers are grounded in purpose.”
For me, the lesson is clear: the act of genuinely caring for another human being—particularly a dependent child—is one of life’s most potent sources of meaning and significance.
A Fertility Crisis with Cultural Roots
Beyond personal well-being, Jenet sees the ripple effects of declining marriage and childbirth rates as a looming national crisis. Countries like South Korea and Taiwan are already experiencing demographic collapses—scenarios the U.S. may soon face if cultural trends continue.
“The real drop in fertility,” Erickson warns, “is the decrease in marriage.”
Despite popular belief, financial incentives in countries like Hungary and Sweden have failed to reverse declining birthrates. The real issue, Jenet suggested, is that we’ve culturally disconnected the idea of a “good life” from the act of having and raising children.
Read more of Erickson’s findings on touch in the Deseret News
What Needs to Change?
When I asked what she would do if she could wave a magic wand and rectify this situation, Erickson didn’t hesitate: rebuild the cultural infrastructure around marriage.
“We need to rekindle the idea of what a ‘good enough’ marriage looks like and help young people see themselves as marriageable,” she said.
This means reshaping how we talk about relationships, family, and success—from social media to school curricula—and fostering environments where men and women are encouraged to and supported in building lasting bonds.
A Hopeful Reframe
Erickson’s work reminds us that “freedom” isn’t the absence of obligation—it is actually the presence of purpose. In a society that has prized personal autonomy above all else, the emerging science of happiness suggests that commitment, not detachment, may be the key to well-being.
Marriage and motherhood may be demanding, but they offer something our digital world cannot: real human presence, tactile connection, and shared sacrifice (which can lead to REAL enduring joy).
“The people who need me, the people who depend upon me… there’s nothing like that for giving us a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose,” Erickson said.
Put simply, it is love—messy, embodied, relational love—that holds the deepest power to heal and ground us in our increasingly fragmented world.
READ MORE of the research here!
dyejo
Guest Author
Nick Galieti
