VIDEO: Self-Care Made Simple

VIDEO: How To Own Your Feelings | How To Stop Caring What Other People Think of You


In this video, there are several key points to consider:

  1. Caring about what others think is a natural instinct, but excessive concern about other people’s opinions can lead to anxiety and a mediocre life.
  2. Finding your passion or obsession can help you care less about others’ opinions, as your drive outweighs the fear of being an outsider.
  3. Creating an inner circle of trusted individuals whose opinions matter to you can help build confidence.
  4. Identifying and committing to your core values, such as growth, honesty, kindness, and fun, can give you a sense of purpose that transcends the need for external validation.
  5. Leaving the “validation casino,” which includes seeking external validation through social media and the opinions of others, can free you from the burden of caring too much about what people think.
  6. Self-acceptance is crucial in reducing the impact of others’ opinions. Accepting your own imperfections and being kind to yourself can lead to personal growth and improvement.

The video suggests various strategies for dealing with the fear of judgment and caring less about what others think. By finding your passion, creating a trusted inner circle, committing to core values, and practicing self-acceptance, you can cultivate a sense of self-worth and confidence that allows you to live authentically and pursue your dreams without being overly influenced by external opinions.

It’s not your fault that you care what other people think. It’s a natural instinct almost everyone has, and it feels justified because if you truly don’t care at all what people think, you risk becoming a social outcast. Would you please still be my fan? No, get away from me. Okay. The problem is if you care too much about what other people think, it will lead you to an anxious, mediocre life. The average person is obese, likely to be divorced and has less than 1k in the bank. It feels safe to do what everyone else is doing, but it’s actually a terrible decision. There’s also an internal cost when you live for other people’s approval. You lose touch with your own natural confidence, energy, and joy for life. Now, this video is not about becoming a narcissist and not caring at all about other people, so let’s let Tony Robbins reframe our goal. I don’t know they ever stopped caring completely. People say they don’t care. I think what they really mean is I don’t let it stop me. The number one regret of people who are dying is I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Let’s spend the rest of this video going through how you can do just that. One way to stop caring what other people think is to find your fire. You cannot care about everything at a 10 out of 10. So if you want to stop caring what people think, find something you care about more. Your obsession outweighs the insecurity of being an outsider. Exactly. The first thing to realize if you have people in your life telling you not to pursue your dreams is that you are not alone. Your father, did he live long enough to enjoy your success? Yeah, he really was disappointed by me moving to Los Angeles. He really wanted me to go to university. You were bullied for skateboarding. That didn’t exist. Absolutely, yeah. By whom? I imagine-By anyone my age. People at the age of 15 just can’t comprehend having drive and wanting to work. You’re just like this little outcaste. You’re like ostracized from society and you’re a fucking weirdo loser every step of the way. If you have family or friends telling you not to live life the way you want to, here’s an exercise you may find helpful. Visualize your ideal day.

When do you wake up? Where do you wake up? What happens during your day? Create a clear vision of your ideal life. It’s easy to deal with people judging your actions today if you know those actions are moving you closer to a future you’re excited about. And always remember, someone’s negative judgment might just be crabs in a bucket syndrome. You put a bunch of crabs in a barrel, every crab that tries to climb out of the barrel, there’s another crab that’s going to grab that crab and pull him back in. Eventually, no crabs can get out the barrel because they’re all pulling each other back down. The second trick to stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you is to create an inner circle. You only care about the opinions of a select few chosen people you love and trust. This is how people like Bill Burr feel confident saying things they know some people won’t like. If people bring it up, I just say, well, not everybody’s going to like me. Yeah. I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t need everybody. I just need enough people. I still have that need to be liked.

So now I’m going up to my wife like, I haven’t yelled in a while. Have you noticed? Am I a swell guy? Do you like me? So I still have that crushing need to be liked. This strategy sounds good, especially if you have a tight group of people you respect. But this inner circle strategy can trap you into that group’s expectations and limit the ways you’ll allow yourself to grow. It’s a great first step, but not the end goal. The next level is to only give this power to yourself. And to do that, you need to decide your core values and commit to caring about them more than the opinions of other people. This can include things like growth, contribution, fun, freedom or honesty. This next clip is an example of what it looks like to commit to honesty instead of trying to look perfect. What scares you? Everything. Everything. Not being in control, not knowing, anticipation, waiting for something to go wrong. I’m an addict and an alcoholic, so I have my ups and downs. The ironic thing is because it’s so rare to meet someone who isn’t trying to fit in or impress you, when you do commit to your core values, it often makes people like you.

Just look at the reaction Andrew Sentino’s honesty gets in this next clip. For context, Schultz is asking him what he thinks of Mr. Beast’s cookies. What do you think? That would be great. Together, great. My teeth fall out. You of all people, don’t say some dumb like that. Those cookies are trash as shit. One quick note, you don’t have to be that harsh to commit to honesty as a personal value. If you like this idea of having core values, it helps to sit down and actually write what yours are. Then read them several times every day like a mantra. I value growth, honesty, kindness, and fun more than fitting in. Remember, other people will come and go from your life. The only person you have to live with every day is yourself. Those are three things you can care about more than the opinions of other people: your future vision, your inner circle, and your core values. Now let’s talk about some strategies to simply care less about what other people think without needing to replace it with something else. One way to worry less about the judgment of others is to leave the validation casino.

I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this false version of my life that it was just taking over. I would be on set working. I’d come and sit in my chair and just scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. And it was becoming a problem. I was just obsessed with it, and I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and what they thought about me. Every time you try to get external validation, you train your brain to care what other people think. Contrast that with Sadh Gruber’s advice on how to overcome the fear of being judged. And notice if anything surprising stands out to you. Anybody can say what they want. Anybody can do what they want. This is like this only because I have not given this privilege to anybody that somebody can make me happy, somebody can make me unhappy, somebody can make me miserable. Right now, you are a consequence of other people’s opinions. He doesn’t let other people make him feel unhappy or happy. That’s something most people don’t realize. If you rely on other people to feel good about yourself, you give them the power to make you feel bad about yourself.

In making this video, I couldn’t help but think of Andrew Tate, one of the most disliked people on the planet. I was curious how he remains unaffected by the millions of people who hate him online. His mindset is surprisingly similar to Sad Guru. Because when you can emotionally affect somebody, you control them. They can’t emotionally affect me. They can’t make me happy with the video. They can’t make me sad with the video. Now, again, the goal is not to completely stop caring about other people. You don’t want to only care about yourself and end up hurting other people or treating them badly. The goal is simply to feel free enough to live the life you want and pursue your dreams while still being a kind, empathetic person. After you leave the validation casino, you’ll realize something. Here’s the for most people most of the time. I feel bad for you. I don’t think about you at all. Obsessing over someone else’s opinion of you feels silly when you realize that most of the time they’re just thinking about themselves. And even if they are thinking negative thoughts about you, if you zoom out, you’ll realize their opinions don’t matter anyway.

A friendly reminder that in three generations, everyone who knew us will be dead, including the people whose opinions stopped you from doing what you wanted all along. This is not meant to impress you, but to inspire you to live the life you want to live. There’s a specific question I said as a phone reminder that’s helpful for remembering this. What will matter when I’m 90? Seeing this pop up on your phone every day will help you realize what truly matters to you. The last way to stop caring what people think is self-acceptance. A big reason you’re scared that other people are thinkingor think negative thoughts about you is because you’re afraid there’s some truth to what they’re thinking. Like, someone could say something ridiculous about you, and if you know it’s ridiculous, it doesn’t mean anything. But if it’s got a hint of truth, you’re like… Often the reason you care so much about what other people think is because there are things about yourself you’re ashamed of. So, for example, you worry they’ll think you’re weird because you think you’re weird, and the cure is to accept that you are weird. If you aren’t ashamed of something, you won’t care if people tease you about it.

For example, watch how Mila Kunis reacts to being teased for playing World of Warcraft. But now with the expansion pack, they’re going to have rates that only require 10 people. Oh, good. So it’ll make things a lot easier. They’re really going to streamline. This is that change Obama has been talking about. Oh, my God. It’s such a good game. I love it. Other people cannot make you feel shame. They can only trigger you to make yourself feel shame. That shame comes from a misguided sense that you’re supposed to be perfect. You aren’t perfect. No one is. There’s no embarrassment in struggle. If you accept yourself fully, no one can ever make you feel bad about yourself. So now the question is, how can you accept yourself in those moments when you don’t feel okay with your weirdness or your imperfections? You use the best friend trick. Ask yourself, what advice would you give to your best friend in this situation? Because you likely have more grace and empathy for them than you do for yourself. Now, some people are afraid of self-acceptance because they think it’ll steal their motivation to improve. How can you be self-accepting without becoming complacent?

Because I spent most of my life hating myself, at best, tolerating myself for moments. But there was a lot of self-loathing, driving performance. I, for a long time, viewed any type of self-acceptance as complacency. Ironically, this is the opposite of true. Self-acceptance is extremely important if your goal is to grow and change because you cannot get where you want to go until you admit where you are. I don’t think you can truly change for the better in a lasting, meaningful way unless it is driven by self-acceptance. I agree with that. The people who we see struggle the most with improving their charisma are the ones who refuse to admit to themselves that they aren’t already charismatic. Their friends don’t respect them, their dating lives are bad, they aren’t getting the jobs they want, but they always blame it on something external. They can’t grow because they can’t admit to themselves that they need to grow. So if you want to grow and improve yourself, start by accepting where you are. Acceptance does not mean, I love where I am and I want to stay here forever. It means it’s okay that this is where you are today.

From that place, there’s no limit to how much you can improve. If you specifically want to improve your charisma and confidence, you might like our video program, Charisma University. Past members have written us that after going throughCU, they’ve seen social outcomes like more friends and a better dating life and career advancements like raises, promotions, and new job offers. Even more importantly, you’ll have more self-confidence and higher self-esteem. If you want to learn more, click the link on screen or in the description below. Either way, I hope today’s video has helped give you the courage to stop caring so much what other people think and to more fully embrace your weird, perfectly imperfect, true self.


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