Do LDS leaders grow the best beards? – powered by Happy Scribe
When you think about beards in Latterday Saint church history, orson Pratt should be one of the first people that comes to mind. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to saint Sonscripted. Alex and I are here to not give you pretty much anything today that will edify you or pertain to your salvation in any way, but it will entertain them. I hope it does.
Hopefully we’ll find out.
We’re rating beards today from past church leaders. We’re going to rate them on a scale from one to ten. And as for criteria, we’re going to be considering length and girth and of course, style. Now, that’s not to say that longer length is necessarily better or worse or larger girth is better or worse, but we’ll be considering these things as we make our judgments as we judge.
It’s going to be fun.
Showdown. Wilford Woodruff, what do you think?
It’s kind of short, but it’s also not quite where it’s just only on the chin. It’s got some length there.
It does. And I’ll give him I wish one of the criteria was intimidation factor. I’m intimidated by one.
Yeah, I would be too, for sure.
I’m probably going to give this a four.
I would give it a lower number as well. Yeah, I would go with three or four. Well, three or four we’ll go.
Four is from us today. All right, next.
Wow. Porter Rock.
Well, okay. I might have to add intimidation factor as a criteria. Yeah, that one is even more intimidating than Wilford Woodruff was.
I like that it’s going out.
Yeah. I was considering taking off style points for that, but I think it says something about him.
I think so too.
And back in that day, that could have been different than it is for us today.
Very attractive look.
True. I don’t know.
Okay. Not particularly long, but very porter Rockwell. I’m going to give this one a 5.5.5.
I like that because I was thinking five or six, but I don’t know which one to go with, so I will also go with 5.5.
Next. I’m pretty sure we don’t see the name on this one, but I’m pretty sure this is George A. Smith. I think he’s like the dad or grandpa of George Albert Smith the prophet.
Is that right?
Anyways, this beard, it’s a neck beard. This beard makes me slightly uncomfortable.
I kind of done it.
I know that it was like I’ll give him style points because I think this was a very culturally sure, acceptable beard at the time.
Well, and it also goes up to his sideburns. If you see there. I mean, the photo is, like, very white with his shirt in the background, so it’s hard to see. But it goes all the way up there and it’s not very long. But it is like, solely on the neck area.
Yes. I’m going to give him 3.8.
Yeah. I’m just going to go with a three.
Okay. And that 3.8. That’s, like, mostly just style points.
Yeah, but because, like you said, it’s a little uncomfortable, so that’s why it gets a low score, at least for me. It’s cool.
Next. Oh, I’m so glad he’s in here.
I like this one.
He’s definitely when you think about beards in Latterday St. Church history, mormon Pratt should be one of the first people that comes to mind because it’s got intimidation. It’s got girth.
Very girthy. And it’s got length.
Oh, yes. And it’s got the awesome mustache to go along with it is all here.
A girthy mustache. Okay.
This is a good one.
I don’t know if this is considered kept or unkept.
It looks kept up in this area, but then as we get lower I.
Think he owns it, though.
I think it looks really good on him. For sure.
He owns it, and he’s like, this is who I am. And you’re just going to take this beard and be happy about it? I’m going to give him an eight.
I was thinking eight as well. I don’t know if it’s because he reminds me of Santa Claus, and it’s like my child the child inside me is like, oh, I’m so comforting. But yeah, he gets a large, big score from me, for sure.
You said an eight.
So he’s by far in the lead.
This is a good one. He looks very it’s well kept gentlemanly. Yes.
Matthias or Matthias, but he was an apostle, I believe. I think he was excommunicated.
Didn’t know that.
But this is a very gentlemanly beard.
As far as the intimidation factor, that’s a low score. But for the beard, yeah, it looks very good on him. He’s very clean. I think it is a very gentleman photo.
I don’t think there’s much of a wow factor.
No, not really.
So I’m going to give it a solid five.
Yeah. I was thinking four. I’m going to go with four.
Okay. Lorenzo Snow, of course, he’s got to be in here. Now, this one, I think, gets points for being iconic.
Yes, I agree with that totally. When I think of Lorenzo Snow, I think of what this is right here.
And I’m trying not to be biased based on their life experiences. This guy lived through some cool stuff. He was, like, shipwrecked and brought back to life. Anyways, I don’t think it beats Orson Pratt.
I don’t think so.
But it is iconic, and it is well kept, and it’s got good length, and it’s very full. I’ll go with the seven for that.
I was thinking seven as well.
Yeah, that’s a good one.
Okay. Joseph Fielding Smith.
That is a long beard.
That is another iconic one.
That’s a really good one. Great length.
It’s not very girthy, and it is, like, very scraggly.
It is. But it’s contained chaos.
It’s true. It’s very straight, right down.
Like, if he tilted his head back, you know, that beard would just it would go straight with him.
I’m going to say this one’s tough. It’s close to Orson Pratt, but I’m going to say 7.5.
I think I’m going to do 6.5.
Okay. Don’t take it personally. Joseph Fueling. All right, next we’ve got this is Joseph F. Smith as a younger man.
Interesting because it’s not much of a beard, but it’s very long sideburns.
Okay, hold on here. Hold on here. If we go back, that is Joseph F. Smith.
Wait, tell me what I got. Right.
That’s Joseph S. Smith. And this is Joseph F. Smith. And then Joseph Fielding Smith is the one that comes later, who was the later president of the church. Is that right?
I think so.
I always get the F and the Fielding stuff.
You’re speaking of the song, I think yeah. Fielding comes later.
Okay. Yeah. So these guys are the same. I love seeing pictures, younger version pictures of Joseph F. Smith. I think that seeing the progression of his beard is really cool. This, though, there’s not really a beard.
There’s not much of a beard going on. Yeah.
So I say it’s an interesting picture, but what rating would you give it?
I think I would give it a three.
Yeah. I’m going to go with a 1.5.
Oh, yeah. For the size. Wait. Yeah. And I think that’s why I want to give it a three, because it’s like, if you think about it, I guess it’s because the sideburns are so long. It’s like a side beard, if that makes sense.
It’s like chaps for your face.
As opposed to pants.
Have we touched anybody? You have given a three to George Albert Smith. Okay, I’m going to put it down to a two then, because I don’t want to put it at the I’m changing my mind. So far, he’s the worst.
Okay, 1.5 for me, two for you. All right. Okay. John Taylor.
This is awesome.
This is a modest beard. Makes me want to speak like this.
It’s like only on half of his chin right there.
It looks like something that his wife would think is really cute on him.
Yeah, I can see that.
Not much of an intimidation factor there.
So I’m going to give it a two. I think.
This one’s tough.
It’s well groomed.
It’s very unique. It’s like half neck, half regular. But that’s only because it’s on half of his. This one’s hard. I don’t know what score to give this one. I’m going to give it a three.
He’s no Orson Pratt.
Beard wise, he was a prophet of God. We won’t leave that out. All right, next. Beloved Hebrew, J. Grant.
This is a good one because it feels a little bit more, like modern.
I would have a beard like that.
Yeah. I was going to say it’s like.
And for that reason 1010.
It is a good one, though. I’m going to give this one a.
It’s it’s not super daring, but it looks good.
Yeah, I agree. But it’s very clean. Again, pretty well kept, and it’s very just I don’t know. It looks good on him.
All right. Ever another George.
This is awesome. Oh, my I have so many thoughts about this beard right now. Oh, my gosh. Okay, if this is too critical, we don’t have to keep it looks like you know that picture of that guy who’s got a beard that’s just right here, and it’s a meme. And it says when you sneeze so hard that your mustache goes up, it’s just very thin. It’s like a thin line, and it’s on his neck.
But you have to give him points for style and intentionality.
I think that’s true.
He knew what he was doing. Yeah, he knew what he was doing. He knew the risks. And he was like, I’m doing it anyway.
Yeah, I agree.
And then he got his photo taken. And then he got his photo taken.
Yes, that’s true. And now we’re looking at it today.
Do you know that? He got up in the morning, he shaved and was like, today’s the day.
I could even see him taking a fine tooth comb, and he’s just, like, combing out that baby right there.
And his wife was in the background and was just like, george, what are you doing? George, what are you doing?
Maybe she liked it. You never know.
Probably multiple probably multiple wives.
Can we make politics here?
I’m just being realistic here. Probably multiple wives. I’m going to give him also intimidation points for this because I think he was like, I don’t want people to know whether this is coming from my face or just, like, excess from my chest. It could just be because some people run away hair.
You just don’t know. Points for bravery.
Yeah. I think that makes me more inclined to give him a higher score, for sure.
I don’t know, but it’s impressive how he managed to do that.
If it’s not real, then it was still bold, because I’m not even mad. I’m impressed that they were the it’s.
Still the wool, even though it’s not real, that he would still choose to make hair right there and make it look like that’s what he wanted to do. So he’s still very bold.
Yes. I think our modern sensitivities are offended affronted yeah, I think so. By this style. But I’m going to give him 8.1.
Really? Wow. I’m thinking seven.
It was up to you if Mormon Pratt was going to keep the lead, but you left him Mormon Pratt in the lead. George A. Smith. I think that puts him in second place.
I think you’re right.
But maybe first in our hearts. Okay. George Q. Cannon. I’m going to go five.
I’m going five.
He’s got nice swoops to it.
Yeah, I like the swoops texture. It’s good.
I’m going to give him a seven.
I’m going seven.
Oh, that’s interesting.
There’s a whole section in the middle.
That has nothing yeah, that’s interesting. I’ll give that a six.
I’m going to do a six. This is a great one.
This doesn’t I’m not a historical picture.
This one is David Snell.
So I’m going to say this is from the episode where my garments were just totally hanging out of my shirt. I watched that episode and I’m like, Why, David? I fix that. But obviously ten. Obviously.
Okay. So I have to give you a different number than them because we’re in modern day now, so modern day, I would probably give you oh, I don’t want to give you an eight because I’m going to give you a 7.9.
Okay. But this won’t count because I’m not a church. Historical figure. Different rating systems, I guess.
That’s a good point.
And also, I’m a little biased. Okay. Daniel H. Wells. That’s a good beard.
It’s so poofy in the middle there.
Yeah. Okay. He was a member of the first Presidency. Get this, he was a member of the first Presidency and led a contingent of the Navu Legion in the Utah war.
Can you imagine, like, President Irene being a military leader today? Like, isn’t the first premises.
So he gives that is very interesting.
Yeah. I’m going to give him an eight point. An eight. An eight.
7.9. He doesn’t quite get there.
I know. I want to give him an eight, too, but he’s still not my favorite, so I will also go with 7.9. Got to have him.
This is a tough one.
I know, it’s so tough. And I love that he’s got, like, the big sideburns, too. It’s all going on and it’s so Brigham. I know. This is the iconic picture. Oh, man. I kind of want to also give him a 7.9 because I want to give him an eight because it’s Brigham.
But maybe I’m just being biased because it’s Brigham.
I still think that, all things considered, mormon Pratt’s beard is is more iconic.
It’s still just the best one.
So yeah. I’m going to go 7.5. Okay, well, that’s the last one.
That was all of them.
So our winner, I believe, is Brother Mormon Pratt.
That beard for all that beard so great.
I wonder if he hides things in it. Maybe that’s just a guy thought. Do you ever wonder that Taylor if Taylor’s back there? But I also worry about, like, food scraps and milk. That’s true. Like, if you’re drinking milk and it just like, seeps down inside your beard, that’s going to smell. Yeah, that’s true.
But nobody would notice because it was a very white beard. I mean, nobody would notice the look, but his look, it would probably smell. Yes.
Very clean and well kept and so.
Or so great on him.
I think he’s a deserving, Victor.
Yes, I agree.
Okay, well, this might have been a long episode. We’ll see how it turns out. But hopefully you’ve had fun with us.
What would you rate the number one? What do you guys think?
Did we make a mistake or would be wrong?
Did Albert deserve better?
It’s up to you.
Let us know know what you think, because I want to know what everybody else is reading them out there.
See you guys next time. Bye.