Prior to meeting, Tim had a lot of series of health problems and was given a blessing that I would have the opportunity to go back and start my mission on the other side of the valley or to linger a little longer. I was actually surprised when I was given the opportunity. I had a hard life up to that point, but the Lord’s giving me an opportunity to prepare myself. I just know the Lord’s OK with me choosing to go. He’s OK with me choosing to stay.
I pretty much every night after that prepared myself for what if what if this is the night, you know, we don’t know what’s going to happen when you got failing kidneys and stuff, your your like are probably going to go septic. And I’m probably going to, you know, who knows? People say you can go kind of coma before you you know, before you get super sick. You never know. And so I wasn’t told how I was going to pass.
Is told there’s now a choice. And we knew based on my medical prognosis at that time that it was most likely going to be selling organs. I’m trying to prepare for this. And I remember in particular that night, I didn’t necessarily feel prepared for something major that night as it felt like kind of like a normal night. And I had just gone to bed that felt much like being in a dream, but real. And I there were hundreds of like hundreds of spirits around me, hundreds.
I didn’t recognize a single one. It was interesting because I noted that in my mind, but it didn’t bother me. They’re letting me know that. Just wait. You’ll understand. And as I’m standing there probably like 30 feet away, I see the spirits dividing and separating, creating a path. And as that occurs, somebody starts, a man is walking towards me. I know who it is. And as he’s coming closer and he reaches out his right hand and I step back slightly and I hold my heart and I say, now I know I’m thinking I’m not ready.
And he comes a step closer again. I think I’m holding my heart with both hands. No, I’m not ready. And as she comes one more step closer and puts his right hand out for me, I’m sitting up in my bed and I’m staying at the same time because I step back one more time. And I and I was saying, no, I’m not ready. And as I sat there for a moment, I then lay back in my bed and I think, why did I Jesus?
Why did I stay? And there are lots of reasons why I know I chose to stay. I knew that I was supposed to prepare to be a help me and I wasn’t sure who he was. And I didn’t necessarily like the idea. I like the idea that I was sitting now in my bed and was given that opportunity, I think, for why I was in shock. But then it all started to make more sense after a series of things with my health and finding answers, having it was a miracle, I think, in the fact that my kidneys then started functioning in time.
I was on this trip to California having the talk with my cousin saying, OK, you’ve got to prepare yourself and you need to go online and like, I will not go online.
I’ve been single, divorced for almost 13 years by the time he and I met and my experience was not good. I dated almost through that whole 13 years. Multiple people were women. And when we met three days before we were introduced, I actually had enough knelt down and I prayed, Heavenly Father. And I said, you know what, I’m done. I’m done with the struggle. I’m done with the heartache. I pretty much surrendered. I said, if you want me to be married again, I’m relying on you.
And then three days later, I’m at work and I get a text from good friends and she says, Hey, what are you doing? I would like work word. She says, I was just wondering. I had a dream. And there’s someone I’d like you to meet. I want you to meet my angel friend. And immediately I thought, oh, here we go.
And my our friend the next day tells both of us, I had a dream. She asked me the the day that she called him, she asked me to visit and and I had this funny feeling she was going to be talking about him. She just said, OK, well, I had this dream and you both were so happy. And one of the things that my blessing had told me, if I chose to linger longer, was so that I was to help in sharing the savior’s love and and reminding others of the savior’s love for them.
After we met and fell in love and we chose to get married and Tim and I had worked on trying to draw that image for me of the savior. And we just at that time, I didn’t know what I really wanted. I just knew I wanted that to remind me of the savior. But I knew that focus had to be off the hands.
If you knew my artwork before, I, I didn’t like drawing and I actually was very difficult for me. I would hide them in pockets. I would wrap them around posts, I’d make them into fists.
And then he he offered actually before we got married, he offered to draw a portrait of us. He started it. And I, I just asked him, I don’t know why I wanted him to draw a picture of us, our hands together. And he said, no, he’s like, no, I do not like drawing him. This is no hands are the heart is behind the back anywhere else, he says. But so I said, oh no, don’t worry about it, don’t feel bad.
And and and so but Tim, to his credit, he wanted to make me happy. So he didn’t want to promise me anything. But he knew. He knew when I asked and he said no, I’d rather not that he would try. And I think it was because of that effort of trying because he was doing a kind act, you know, serving me to show his love for me, tell me to feel happy that he surprised himself.
And he said it was the first picture he tried pounds that he liked.
We keep the portrait of our hands above our fireplace.
You can see it’s the two of us planning to see the faith and that in itself was part of what led him to having the courage to draw the 30 pieces that he did on the life project. Yeah, I was excited when he chose to go the route of focusing on the hands, because for me personally, I have a hard time putting a face on the savior. And I imagine it’s very much that way when we’re not ready, you know, when it’s when we have when we know deep down that there’s another there’s more purpose.
There’s more for us to work for us to do here. So I thought for sure I’d take his hand. But and the reality of it, I realized that the reason why, um, my loved ones weren’t there was it was the Lord’s way of of giving me a blessing, of being able to choose on my own. Looking back on, I realized how I had loved ones. There would have been harder for me to leave. I think of those as being miracles to just how the Lord knows us individually.
And he knows us so well. He knows our needs. Our wants.