๐๐ผ๐๐ป๐ฑโค๏ธ๐๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ดโค๏ธ๐โค๏ธ๐๐ฎ๐๐ปโ๐โค๏ธ๐น๐ผ๐ผ๐ธ๐ถ๐ป๐ดโค๏ธ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟโค๏ธ.โค๏ธ.โค๏ธ.
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โ๐๐๐ ๐๐ง๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ง๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ ๐ค๐ ๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ฉ.
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฎ ๐จ๐ช๐ง๐ฅ๐ง๐๐จ๐ ๐ค๐ ๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐จ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐๐ฉ.โ
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Who knew Chvrches, #ASaviorIsBorn, Christmas Eve (the film, not the annual cultural happening), and a trip to Israel would be three major events that would bring life and love into my life?
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2012.
The divorce was tough. It shook me to my core. Honestly, it may have been harder culturally than many other ways. We are taught, and teach, families are eternal.
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Plan B.
Does it exist? What does it look like?
If it exists, it is amorphous and undefined. And that lack of definition causes fear. If two paths diverge a wood, and we take the one less traveled and choose or are pushed into the Plan B lane, how will create โthe differenceโ for us both here and in eternity?
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Existential questions, to be sure. But the practical ones persisted too. And were ever-present.
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I was worried about my kids. Sure, the oldest was off to college, but I still had two in the house and wanted to give them as โnormalโ an upbringing as I possibly could.
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So, I had decided to focus on themโto not date until my youngest was out of high school.
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But who could imagine the excruciating ache and void created by loneliness. Humansโwe are needy in many ways. One of the most voracious of appetitesโas tied to human needsโis connection. Being alone (literally and otherwise) has its special ring in Danteโs inferno. Being disconnected from the Divine is a ring of purgatory that no one can transcend alone.
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All those years waking up in cold sweats, wondering if I would have that โsomeoneโ next to me serving warm and reassuring chicken soup when I was old, frail, and couldnโt care for myself. Wondering how eternity now applied to me, and what the future would look like.
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The uncertainty. The incessant wondering. The pain in questioning my boyhood beliefs, which had me thinking that I would be rewarded by following the plan of subsequent progression. The math wasnโt working out for me. A + B + C + D โ eternal bliss. ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ
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Luckily, I believe I am blessed with the gift of belief. When I felt the oppressive weight of doubt was ready to crush me, or I was Sisyphus pushing the heavy load to the apex of the next hill only to have it roll down and have to start another ascent again and again and again, I had the quiet reassurance that things would work out. Hold on, John. Just hold on.
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Night after lonely night came and went. I threw myself into my work to assuage the pain, guilt, shame, and loneliness. Who knew my work, and my passion for the cause for which I was working, would be the answer to what ailed me?
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October 2015. Chvrches. A band that I loved because their sounds took me back to the 80s.I had tickets, but had another engagement, so I scanned Twitter later for those who attended. Well, one formerly phread was there. I recognized the handle from some lists at work, and it was one of the few videos on the feed.
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Hm . . .
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๐๐ช๐ฃ. ๐๐ช๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ. ๐๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐. ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ฉ.
Then, not long later, an engagement for a campaign to celebrate Christmas (#ASaviorIsBorn).
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Iโm presenting, and in walks one @formerlyphread. A bit late, she sits at a table in the back. But, through a mutual friend, we meet later that night.
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๐๐ช๐ฃ. ๐๐ช๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ. ๐๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐. ๐ผ ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ข๐ฎ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ง๐๐ค๐ช๐จ. ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ฉ.
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Then, not long later, a movie premiere for Christmas Eve, a movie I helped promote (and yes, that really was Sir Patrick Stewart in the credits). I invite you (as a member of the press as an influencer, no less), and you come, sit in the back, and we actually get to talk more.
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๐๐ช๐ฃ. ๐๐ช๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ. ๐๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐. ๐ผ ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ข๐ฎ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ง๐๐ค๐ช๐จ. ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฎ. ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ฉ.
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Then, right after Christmas, a trip to Israel with my youngest son. The conversations we started on Messenger continued and deepened. That, I feel, is when we truly became friends. I couldnโt wait to get back from the dayโs activities to check in. That, for me, is when it truly started.
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๐๐ช๐ฃ. ๐๐ช๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ. ๐๐๐จ๐จ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ฉ๐. ๐ผ ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ข๐ฎ๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ง๐๐ค๐ช๐จ. ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฎ. ๐๐ง๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐ซ๐๐ง๐จ๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐ก๐๐จ๐ฉ. ๐๐๐๐โ๐ ๐จ๐๐ ๐๐ฉ.
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Then, right after the trip to Israel, our relationship really began to evolve. And I began to see and experience not only the fun, funny, passionate, etc., I began to see the person who had the beauty, depth, and intellectual capacity that I helped make me whole. Every time we would exercise, dance, go see a show at the theater, or hear music from our youth, it made me even more of a believer that we were a good couple who could make each other better.
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And I am forever grateful we found each other and were married.
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Nอoอwอ,อ อiอfอ อIอ อeอnอdอeอdอ อtอhอiอsอ อnอaอrอrอaอtอiอvอeอ อhอeอrอeอ,อ อtอhอaอtอ อwอoอuอlอdอnอโอtอ อbอeอ อtอrอuอtอhอfอuอlอ อoอrอ อhอoอnอeอsอtอ.อ
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Getting remarried is one of the hardest things I have ever done (and I believe you would agree with me on that point). Searching for and finding a spouse in middle age is toughโweโve both been molded by experiences we have had earlier in life, and have been a bit broken by what we have experienced. Not being able to share something that is truly and uniquely us is hard. We both carry baggage from our previous lives that make this toughโreally tough. The toughest thing I have ever done.
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However, remembering the good times, and possessing hope that time and experience will create an โusโ that is unique to just us, is what I hold on to. Patiently pushing through the hard times and remembering the good times is the key to making it day-by-day.
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And, Jenny, there is not one else I would rather patiently push through it all than with you. Youโre my love. My life. My everything.
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๐๐ค๐ช, ๐
๐๐ฃ๐ฃ๐ฎ ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐, ๐๐ง๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฎ ๐จ๐ช๐ง๐ฅ๐ง๐๐จ๐ ๐ ๐๐ค๐ช๐ฃ๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐ก๐ ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ก๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ค๐ง ๐๐ฉ.
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#HappyBirthday
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